Cooking 101

Cooking! This is a topic everybody either loves or hates! If you are Julia Child, Rachael Ray or other celebrity cooks, of course you love this topic! This is your source of livelihood! Does anyone hate cooking? Be honest, do not be shy now. Someone out there probably hates to cook! Come out and let us know!!! I will call them the hatercoo. That does not sound right. Okay, what do you call someone who hates cooking? I do not know but hatercoo sound good to me, and I will stick to it! Ha! Ha!Ha! What a weird concoction! I do not know where you get these ideas! I have a good. keen, and creative mind! I guess!! A weird mind, too!!!! Oh,well. The hatercoo would rather eat out or have a carry out! But after a while, you also get tired of the food ouside and you yearn of a home cooked meal! Ain't ( I can see my English teacher give me an eyeful, is that a word? I do not care! Maybe I will start my own dictionary! Oh! Oh! Where do you belong then, are you a lovercoo or a hatercoo? Neither!!! I am in between! I do not think there is such an in between with cooking. Either you love it or you hate it!!! Am I right or not? People, get a survey, quick, to settle this issue!What are we going to talk about? Plenty, my dear ladies and gentlemen! Let us start with meringue. Wow! You know how to do that? I am impressed! First of all, what is it? It is made up of egg whites, actually it is not a meringue. It is sort of a meringue. Oh, Oh! I knew something is screwy with this. You layer beaten egg whites on a pan and bake at 350. Darn keyboard, I cannot find the degree to put on the 350! Oh, well, let us just leave it at that! Oh, my gosh! What is happening in the oven? I see a sea of white travelling inside the oven! Oh, oh! A major disaster! How am I going to clean the oven? Boo! Hoo! Hoo! What? You did not even looked at your meringue, all you can think of is how to clean the oven! Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! You are fired!!! He! He! He! How could I fire myself? I am kidding, I just want to say that! What happened to the meringue? I do not know, the recipe was not clear! Oh, you are blaming it on the recipe? Yup! someone gave it in a hurry to me, that I probably did not get the right measurements! Wow! The oven looks like in the ghostbusters film where the white marshmallows are all over the place!! That is soo cool! Let us move on....How about turkey? It seems easy enough to do. Okay, let us do it! I do not think we can mess up the turkey. Here goes...wash the turkey, add seasonings to it, place in a roaster pan and bake in the oven at 350, depending on the size of the bird. Wowie!!! That sounds professional! I am impressed!!!! Wow!! Look at the turkey, it looks so good with golden brown skin. And when you pierce the skin, juices are flowing out, and it is not red either! Alleluia! Let us carve it. After a few cuts, you tell yourself," Oh, my gosh! Why is there paper coming out of the turkey?" At this point, you change your carving location on the bird, and pray that hopefully, your guests did not notice the look in your face! You keep asking yourself, what happened? It is a good thing we are not turkey lovers, and the carving stopped. Phew! That was close! I escaped from embarrassment and exposing my cooking abilities! After the guests were gone, you did an investigation. Dumb!!! Dumb!!!! Dumb!!!! I am falling off my chair! I have to pee from laughing at this stupid cook!!! Stop! I cannot stop laughing! Sorry, I will compose myself! Where are we? Okay, the insides were not removed from the cavity of the bird! How was I supposed to know? Why do the stores sell it with the junk of the bird wrapped on a paper and hidden to the unsuspecting customers? Are the birds not already big enough for people to have enough meat to eat? What is the purpose of the neck, gizzard etc? Dingbat! You really do not know? That is to make the gravy!!! Come on, why bother? Just go to the grocery store and buy your gravy, either in jars or packets!! That is easier than boiling those things. The boiling will take a long time, look at the energy you are wasting! With my idea, just open the jar, heat it up, and presto, a gravy was born! Or use the packet which takes less energy and time to make! Does that make sense? And these alternatives are better and makes the bird really yummy!!!!! I cannot win! How about cooking steamed buns? No problem! Let us start with the dough. Set the dough aside. Make the filling, which can be cut up chicken or pork, sauteed in onions with a little soy sauce,or anything you want. Place the filling on the middle of the dough and steam. After a few minutes, you were in awe! What happened? Your dough is big enough to have a whole chicken inside it!!! My! My! My! The dough should be divided in small increments with the filling inside and steamed, not the whole dough! The recipe did not say that. My goodness, that is just common sense! Oh, well, I goofed, what can I do? I was just following the recipe!! Ha! Ha!Ha! Ha! The dough tasted really good, though, except it is bigger than the steamer and it is still growing! Nuts!!!! You are nuts!!!!! Okay, guys and gals, did you learn a lot with cooking 101? You bet!!!!
Posted by vs at 3/16/2010 8:00 AM Add Comment